A Seal Upon Your Heart
by Sheila B
Summary: Redemption, Forgiveness, Grief and the Malfoys.
1. Chapter 1

Title: A Seal on Your Heart 1/

Fandom: Harry Potter (post canon, so, big time spoilers)

Pairing: Snape/Draco, Harry/Draco

Rating: R-ish

Summary: Repentance, Forgiveness, Grief, and the Malfoys.

Warnings: Spoilers.

Disclaimer: These are not my characters and I make no money off this.

Feedback: Please, I really love hearing what people think.

Notes: I quote from the books "Half Blood Prince" and "Deathly Hallows" by JK Rowling, who is not me. I also want to thank Avialle for inspiring part of Draco's speech. And Threeoranges for the all the beta reading, she stuck with me right up til the end, lol.

----

"I'll be a few minutes in Madame Malkin's," Narcissa said. She smoothed out her dress and hair and took a deep breath. She seemed more nervous than Draco had ever seen her before, she was going in to answer their ad about a job.

This was beneath them. There were other things Malfoys could do to earn money but they needed the Galleons now. Lucius Malfoy had been unemployed for three years, there should have been a cushion of money but it was draining fast after his extensive legal problems, Draco's educational expenses and the money given to The Cause.

"I'll just wait, uh, outside," Draco said. He could use a few minutes alone. Ever since the battle at Hogwarts ten days ago, his parents barely let him out of their sight, Draco felt eight, not almost eighteen. But they seemed to need him more too, they were alone in the world now.

"Go over to The Horse and Lion and have something to eat," Narcissa insisted. She slipped a few coins in his hand with a stern expression. Draco was too hungry to disagree. He crossed the street to the small, dimly-lit family pub and was headed for the bar when old Baldur Higgins, the proprietor stopped him with a glare.

"We don't serve your kind in here," he said. He pointed to the "NO DEATH EATERS" sign in the window. "Respectable wizard pub, only serving respectable wizards. Go across to the "Bonzo Burger"- they got no standards."

"I'm not a Death Eater," Draco said quietly.

"Pull the other one," came the reply.

Now that Harry Potter was the savior of the wizarding world, wizards were trying to put their own spin on Muggle trends. The latest doomed-to-fail effort was a new fast food place that had moved into Fortescue's old ice-cream parlor.

Bonzo Burger had a plastic-stand of newspapers by the door. Today's "Daily Prophet" headline was DAY TEN OF MASS DEATH EATER TRIAL. Underneath the banner headline was a photograph of a handful of Death Eaters who'd been arrested after the battle, or rounded up in the chaotic week after. They were all cuffed or in chains; many of them were kids Draco remembered from Slytherin. One girl glowered at the camera, unrepentant and cold. Her chin length black hair, which had once been so glossy and always cut in the most glamorous style, now hung in dirty curtains around her face. There were dark circles under her eyes, and while she hadn't been issued a uniform for Azkaban yet, her Hogwarts uniform was torn and bloody.

He remembered the last time he'd seen her.

"I want to know what you thought you were doing." He had found Pansy in the school after the battle, down by the Slytherin dungeons, standing over the body of some little blond Gryffindor, that one that used to follow Potter around with a camera. Pansy's own wand was in pieces on the floor: Draco was relieved to see that, because he knew she wouldn't have any mercy if she'd found him alone and unarmed. And he was alone and unarmed.

"What do you mean?" she replied.

"When you ran off to join-"

"What? You mean when I stayed with my House instead of transferring my allegiance to Potter? Is that what you mean?" Pansy said coldly.

"I didn't transfer my loyalty to Potter!" Draco winced at his own slightly frantic tone. "I got smart."

"Yes, so smart you let Potter steal your wand!" She began to cry. "If you'd only kept your wand, Draco - if you hadn't let him defeat you..."

" I didn't LET him!" Draco tried to touch her and pulled back as if she would burn him.

"Are you sure? Are you sure you didn't want him to win?"

"Maybe I don't want to live in the Dark Lord's world after all - you don't know. You didn't have to - you didn't have to do what I had to do."

"And what did you "have to do"?"

"More than you had to do!" Draco bunched up his fists, turning his knuckles white.

"I would have done it, whatever it was. I wouldn't have been a blood traitor -" Pansy was not yelling, but her voice rose.

"It's not about blood anymore, Pansy. It wouldn't be any better for Purebloods if He was in charge! I know! Did you see what he did to my parents?"

"Your parents were weak, Draco!" Pansy nearly shrieked. "If they were punished, then they must have done something to deserve it!"

"No!"

"Of course you're going to deny it. I wouldn't expect you to face up to your responsibilities to your bloodline, to the wizarding world -" she said scornfully.

"Oh, you mean like pretending to like dating you for four years?" It popped out before he could stop himself.

Pansy's eyes widened in shock as she was stunned into silence.

"Didn't you know I only did it because my mother made me?" Draco smirked and tried not to be visibly affected by his own lies. He was good at it.

"I see." She was outwardly calm, though the effort told in her hands. "You had me fooled, I'll admit it."

"And I had someone else. Someone better at everything."

Pansy inhaled sharply, tried to hold herself steady. "That fits. You were a traitor from the start. A Mudblood, was it?"

"I didn't know he was half-blood when we met."

Pansy took in the pronoun and was speechless again. As he smirked at her she covered her face, knuckled a few traitorous tears from her eyes. "I never want to see you again."

"I hope we never do. I really hope we never do!" Draco turned away to try and get control of himself, his ears filled with the echo of Pansy's heels as she walked unsteadily away. When she was gone, Draco knelt down to take the blond boy's pulse and when he realized there was nothing that could be done for him. Awkwardly, he tried to make him as comfortable as possible before hurrying away.

Draco turned the Prophet upside-down to avoid having to see her face.

Oh no. That bloody Potter and Weasley and Granger were inside, cozying up together at a bright orange molded-plastic table. Maybe he could leave before they saw him. Too late. Granger was the first to notice and she nudged Harry not very subtly.

"Hi, Draco."

"Potter. Weasley. Mu-Granger."

"Hey!" Ron snapped.

"You wanna um…sit with us?" Harry asked. No, Draco didn't want to. But his stomach growled and this was the only place that would serve him.

"Alright," he said warily. "Just let me order." He pushed his way through crowds of wizard parents and their screeching little brats to get to the long, plastic counter where a spotty, squeaky-voiced teenage wizard took money and orders. He was wearing an absurd paper hat in a conical shape.

"Welcome to Bonzo Burger, where every day is a Bonzo Day! How can I help you?" Something exploded behind him and Draco heard a chicken squawk.

Draco froze up. "Bonzo Burger and chips with a water," he gasped, reading the menu quickly. You had to read it quickly, the letters kept rearranging themselves. He had just enough for that and he would have to count the change carefully. The food was levitated to him in seconds, a sandwich and chips in a cardboard box, and his money was just as quickly liberated.

He made his way back and took a seat at the table. He had never, in seven years of knowing these people, ever eaten a meal next to them. But they weren't at school anymore, and not bound by their Houses. It was sort of a relief to see another Hogwarts student who'd lived through the same things, the last seven years of hatred didn't matter as much anymore.

"Are you retaking the N.E.W.Ts?" Harry asked, casually. "We're doing them because we, uh, we missed our whole seventh year."

"I wasn't there either," Draco said. "For the N.E.W.T.S."

"But –" Ron said with his mouth full.

"I would hardly think they'd let me back in after I tried to…" Draco said. "If it weren't for what happened with the Death Eaters I wouldn't have gotten back in at all. As it was, I was absent more than I was there."

"Good point," Harry said. "They don't like it when students try to kill the teachers."

"I'm not the only one here who ever tried to kill a teacher," Draco said. He couldn't help it, and the angry expression that crossed Harry's face made him flinch inwardly. They could tell him to go away, he was aware of how precarious his status at this table was.

"Professor Quirrell!" Ron said and cringed when Harry gave him an annoyed look.

"That was you!" Draco said. "I knew it! Were you the one who Obliviated Professor Lockhart? "

"It was self defense!" Harry and Ron both said. "And so was the time with Umbridge."

"And you think I did it just for laughs?" Draco asked. "Potter, you know better."

Ron and Hermione looked puzzled, but Harry nodded slowly. He must not have told his friends about the incident in the bathroom. Draco sensed the thought floating on the top of Harry's mind.

And he saw other things that made him blush, and made Harry push him out aggressively. Draco couldn't hide his own panicked thoughts. How long had Harry felt those things? What did Harry want from him? He didn't like it - he wasn't ready for that.

"I'll be right back," Hermione said. When she stood, Draco stood up too, while Ron and Harry remained seated. Hermione looked both flattered and baffled.

"Stop it," Ron said as soon as she was gone.

"Stop what?" Draco asked. He'd only done what he was used to doing, and now that he was on the same side as Granger he didn't see why he needed to be completely rude to her. But Weasley was common.

"Ron," Harry said. "Don't start."

Draco dipped a chip in ketchup and didn't look at Harry. He hated chips, they were terrible for your skin, especially with ketchup, which wasn't even made from real tomatoes but he was starving and he would rather eat this garbage than admit he couldn't afford to feed himself.

"I'm not that hungry after all," Hermione said when she returned. She pushed her cardboard box of chips and a hamburger away.

"I don't want it," Harry and Ron chorused. Draco was sure Hermione had kicked them under the table.

"Well, I don't want to waste it," Hermione said briskly. "Here, I'll pack it up for your mum."

"Thanks," Draco said, equally briskly. Taking charity from a Muggleborn! He swallowed hard and got the words out. "And thank you for inviting me to sit with you."

"We're going to hang out for a while," Hermione said, "You can come. If you want."

"No, I need to get back to my mother," Draco said. He was proud of himself for walking calmly out the door and not running. But he really did want to get back to his mother.

Narcissa was grateful for the food, even if she too wrinkled her nose at it. They took the Floo at the Leaky Cauldron and returned home to find Lucius had not done any of the things he said he was going to do. He'd moped in his study all day, the stack of bills and legal paperwork completely untouched.

Draco hid in his room and began sorting through his things. Narcissa had arranged for Borgin and Burkes to take what they could, to offset the court costs and household bills.

His old Gobstone set could go. And his old school books, his old cauldron, his old clothes. Where had this white shirt come from? Draco fingered the white, button-down silk shirt, ripped in several places as if by angry claws. There were faded stains as well, dark red and purplish in color. Draco shuddered, even though he was unable to remember why he had this shirt or why it upset him.

"Oh, that's all ruined!" Narcissa exclaimed. She'd appeared in his doorway while he was lost in thought. "I'll get rid of it for you."

"No, Mother, don't," Draco said. She'd already taken it out of his hand and turned to leave. He didn't argue. "Mother, did I have an accident? This isn't from when I got attacked on the Hogwarts train, is it?"

"No," his mother said softly. "No, it's not."


	2. Chapter 2

Draco sneaked down to the laundry later to retrieve his shirt, but the door was locked. He had no way of spelling it open and a half-hour's search of the house revealed that whoever had locked the door also had the key.

He went for a run instead. It was good to thump along the forest pathways, alone for once. He hadn't done anything athletic in a year: his body responded painfully to the use of muscles that had been allowed to get lazy, but he would rather be in pain than feel nothing at all.

His mind turned to events of the past two years that he'd rather forget.

If he'd known the truth, there were so many choices he would have made differently. He wouldn't have fought with Professor Snape - Severus. But Severus must have known, and didn't tell Draco that he had the power to save his family and maybe everyone else.

Because nobody trusted Draco Malfoy to do the right thing. Even Severus, the one person who'd ever believed that Draco could do things, hadn't believed he was strong enough or smart enough or moral enough to do what needed to be done, to even know that he could have.

His chest tightened, he slowed his pace and wiped fruitlessly at the water stinging his eyes. He saw the world through a watery haze, it grew even harder to breathe and in minutes he'd tripped over a root and fallen hard. As he struggled to sit up and lean against a tree, he lost control of his tears.

Why did he have to be humiliated by Potter's charity? Why did he have to lose the only person who'd ever believed in him? Why did he have these gaps in his memory?

Why? Why couldn't he even go for a run alone without screwing it up and breaking down like a stupid baby? The sky opened and Draco lay crumpled in the rain and mud.

"Alright, I get it!" He yelled. "I deserve this!" He wasn't sure just who he was yelling at, no one would hear him anyway, and that didn't make it much different than trying to talk to real people. He limped home and slunk toward the bath.

Sometimes there was nothing else you could do but slink home and take a bath.

Lucius met him in the foyer. He held a large glass of red wine and he was dressed in his velvet smoking-jacket and green lounging pajamas.

"What happened to you?" Lucius muttered.

"I fell," Draco said, pausing with one hand on the banister. Lucius snorted.

"I'm not surprised."

"You're drunk, Father."

"I am not drunk. I am a Malfoy." He waved his glass and splashed a little wine on the antique wallpaper.

"You're drunk and you're turning into a scary old wino." Draco started to climb the stairs. He couldn't believe he'd just spoken to his father like that, but Lucius was letting a lot of things slide these days.

"I'm a connoisseur of wine,"Lucius said. He laughed desperately. "I'm too rich and important to be a drunk! Come join me."

"I'd rather not, Father," Draco said. He ran up the stairs and slammed his bathroom door. Draco lay underneath the bubbles and ignored his tipsy father, who carried on a conversation with him through the door. Draco plugged his ears.

"Shutupshutupshutup," he chanted in his head. He missed Severus and his comfortable silences, missed curling up in his lap and falling asleep by candlelight there. The night he'd turned sixteen, in June of last year, when they'd finally been able to have what they'd always wanted. Draco's breath sped up just remembering it.

_He clung to Severus, sweaty and aching and confused. It was too hot for blankets in the house in Spinner's End._

_"I thought it would be different," he whispered._

_"You're disappointed," Severus said. "Well, I never promised paradise."_

_"No!" Draco said, pressing his face into his lover's shoulder. "I thought you'd hurt me."_

_"Surely you know me better than that," Severus said. "I never intended for you to feel threatened."_

_"I didn't," Draco tried to explain. "I don't know any other way!"_

In his bathtub at Malfoy Manor, Draco slid his hands under the water again and desperately brought himself off as he remembered the way he'd lain still while Severus searched his mind for all his secret fantasies, even the ones which made Draco blush with shame.

It was a good thing his father was no longer lurking outside the door.

"Owl this for me, darling,"Narcissa said as Draco hurried out the door the next morning.

"Yes, Mother." He took the letter and detoured past the Owlery. He'd learned a long time ago not to ask his parents for the details of their correspondence. The letter was addressed to another Pureblood family a few miles away. He tied it to the leg of a family owl and sent it off before Apparating to Hogsmeade from the end of their drive.

As soon as he appeared in the street outside Honeyduke's, he wanted to turn around and go home. Some of the buildings were still being repaired: one simply no longer existed, except for a formerly smoking hole in the ground. Draco summoned the necessary willpower to get his feet moving up the road.

He slid his new wand into his hand, wondering if Potter would use his old one for the exams. As he approached Hogwarts, his first instinct was to panic.

_Running, and screaming, and people dying around him. Black smoke and falling masonry, Fiendfire and holding onto Crabbe's dead body as the flames rose around them._

_Weasley's fist._

_His mother and father shouting his name, running through the castle in their black hooded cloaks. Draco was stuck in the middle - believed to be on the wrong side but without having earned the coveted black cloak and white mask - and wandless. All he wanted to do after the incident in the Room of Requirement was run and hide._

Draco forced himself to push the front doors open. He paused with his eyes squeezed shut while he assembled his dignity.

The exams were once again held in the Great Hall. More people were there than Draco had expected to see, no wonder the Ministry thought they deserved a second chance. Everyone turned around and stared at him. He took the seat furthest away from Potter's Pals.

"What are you looking at?" he said icily.

The exams themselves went well. After all, his seventh year had been spent learning from the most powerful wizards in Britain. He didn't actually need to pluck the answers from the minds of his neighbors.

But he did. Just once, when he was really stuck.

After the exams he found himself wandering down to the dungeons. The door to the Potions classroom was open, and like any respectable snoop, he went in. Everything in the room looked smaller than he remembered. The dim light only showed rows of empty desks and half empty shelves of potions ingredients. If he strained, he could almost hear children whispering, giggling, rustling their papers. He went through to Snape's office and whispered Lumos as he stepped into the dark room.

Oh. Of course. Professor Slughorn had redecorated. He wasn't sure he could stomach what Slughorn would have done to Snape's bedroom. But this was the room that featured the most in his fantasies and memories, not Snape's DADA office or the Headmaster's study. Although… Draco smiled: that night in Dumbledore's old office, on the desk with all the portraits watching, that had been memorable.

Draco sat in the desk chair and spun around in it several times. He made his voice deeper and leaned forward. "Now then, Potter, just what did you think you were doing?" he growled in his best Professor Snape imitation.

"Wandering around where I'm not supposed to be, just like you," someone said from the doorway.

Draco let out a soft yelp and pointed his wand at Harry.

"Calm down," Harry said, although he kept blocking the only exit. "This'll always be his room, won't it. You're probably reminiscing about how the carpet felt against your knees or something."

"Shut up," Draco hissed. "Don't. He would never! You didn't know him!"

"I just figured," Harry shrugged.

"He cared about me. He waited," Draco said. A memory flashed through his mind. He was in Snape's other office, they were arguing.

_"That Bell girl must've had an enemy no one knows about — don't look at me like that! I know what you're doing, I'm not stupid, but it won't work — I can stop you!"_

_There was a pause and then Snape said quietly, "Ah... Aunt Bellatrix has been teaching you Occlumency, I see. What thoughts are you trying to conceal from your master, Draco?"_

_"I'm not trying to conceal anything from him, I just don't want you butting in!"_

"I didn't mean it,"Harry said. "I know he did. I saw how he reacted when I - I hurt you in the bathroom." Potter moved closer, too close in such a small space. Draco tensed.

"I need to go," Draco said.

"Malfoy-"

"Let me out, Potter!" He was too warm. Draco thought of the flames again, when he screamed for help and Potter saved him. They'd flown together, Harry was confident on his broom and Draco was terrified, wandless and clinging to the man who'd taken it from him. He knew in seconds that Harry had picked up on his thoughts and he pushed Potter away hard and ran.

"Malfoy, wait!" Stupid Potter was actually trying to follow him. Draco ran outside toward the forest or Hogsmeade or wherever Potter wouldn't find him. "Draco!"

A hand grabbed his arm and spun him around. The other exam-takers who hadn't left yet were watching them from the grass where they'd been having a picnic.

"What?" Draco snapped. "WHAT?"

"I-"

"Spit it out."

"Can we just talk? Somewhere that isn't here?" Harry asked. He was breathing hard. Draco nodded. "Promise you won't run away?"

"Yes, Potter, I promise I won't run away," Draco sneered.

They found a booth at The Three Broomsticks and Harry bought two glasses of firewater and slid one across the table to Draco.

"So, do you have a job lined up?" Draco asked.

"I start Auror training in September," Harry said. "Pending my N.E.W.T results, but they already want me to come take a tour of the facilities. What about you?"

"I never thought much about it," Draco admitted. "I grew up thinking I was going to be wealthy in a world ruled by Purebloods. My career advice interview ended in a row with my Head of House and he can't write me a letter of recommendation anyway because he was murdered. My father lost his job, so I can't depend on nepotism." He ran a finger around the rim of his glass and licked the moisture off his finger.

"I dunno," Harry said. "My godfather was your second cousin. The Daily Prophet is looking for an assistant to Rita Skeeter and they owe me. A lot.. You can even crash at my house in London, if you want." He must have seen Draco's suspicious expression because he hurriedly added, "You don't owe me anything though. This isn't some creepy come-on."

"I'm glad you clarified that," Draco said and smiled for the first time that day. "It is a creepy come-on, but it's cute that you don't think it is. I'll take you up on your offer…of the job. The rest, we'll talk about another time."

Draco entered Malfoy Manor and dutifully wiped his feet on the mat. He couldn't wait to tell his parents that he had a job already, leaving out the part about who had arranged it for him. They were talking in his father's study, Draco could hear them even though the thick door was closed.

"Malfoy women don't work," Lucius said. "I told you that."

"This Malfoy woman will, "Narcissa replied. "We're not going to lose this house or go hungry because the head of this family can't bring home a pay cheque."

"But it isn't my fault!" Lucius said.

"We're in this position because of your mistakes, Lucius. This is a respectable position with a respectable family, and Merlin knows we need to regain some respectability!"

"Fine," Lucius said sarcastically. "I'll allow it. Do whatever you want; obviously, you know better than I do."

"Dobby and Kreacher understood this better than you do," Narcissa said. Draco jumped back from the door as she swept out. She was unusually flushed. She kissed Draco on the forehead, briefly enveloping him in the scent of gardenias.

"I'm off to interview for the governess position at the Smiths'. I should be home by tonight. Make sure your father doesn't do anything stupid, dear."

Draco leaned against the doorframe of his father's study.

"I'm supposed to keep you from doing anything stupid," he said.

"I'd like to see you try," Lucius said.

"Are you going to?"

"No, of course not, Draco."

"Then I'm going to pack a few things. My friend invited me to visit him in London for the weekend while I see someone about a job."

"Not you too!" Lucius exclaimed.

"Father, you wanted me to get a job, "Draco said. "You always wanted that. By the way, I had a shirt that was all ripped, have you seen it? I can't remember how it got ripped but I need it."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Draco," Lucius said with a fairly convincing blank expression. "Try to make sense when you open your mouth."


	3. Chapter 3

Draco shook Rita Skeeter's scarlet tipped hand and rose.

"Thank you very much, Ms. Skeeter, I'm so grateful for the opportunity."

"Save the act for the celebrities, kid," she said. "Just be here Monday morning."

"I will,"Draco promised. He left the Daily Prophet walking on air. Harry was waiting outside. A small witch glanced at Harry, blushed and ran away.

"Did you get it?" Harry asked.

"I start Monday. Doing _what_, she didn't say."

Harry laughed.

"My house isn't far, "Harry said."You feel up to trying the Tube?"

"I don't want to ride in any _tubes_," Draco replied. They Apparated instead, landing in a deserted square of Georgian and Victorian houses that were neglected and had a closed-off look. It was dusk and Draco thought the temperature was low for June. Harry stood quietly and concentrated as the houses numbered eleven and thirteen moved apart to reveal number twelve. Harry hurried across the street and up the steps, and Draco followed. Harry fitted the key in the lock and Draco entered behind him.

He remembered this house now. The long dark corridor, with its musty green wallpaper, the high ceilings, the narrow staircase, the house elf heads nailed to the wall - he'd seen this house in countless family photographs, and he'd been here a few times as a toddler.

"My godfather gave it to me before he died, "Harry explained. He waved his wand and turned on the gas lamps. "You can put your bag in the sitting room. Kreacher's probably put some kind of meal together."

Harry left Draco to wander around the sitting room. A gigantic family-tree tapestry was the focal point of the Victorian style room. Draco wandered closer and examined it. There were burn marks over some of the names but the names Lucius, Narcissa, Bellatrix, Rodolphus and Draco were still there. Draco reached for a pair of curtains, wondering what was behind them.

"Don't open that,"Harry said. He'd returned with a tray of pasta and breadsticks and a couple of glasses of wine. "It's Sirius's mum's portrait and she screams at me. We tried to pry her off the wall but she's stuck. "

"Interesting house, "Draco said. Harry shrugged.

"It's a house."

"It's the ancestral home of my mother's family, "Draco said. "Technically, as the oldest surviving Black male, this house should be mine."

"Now wait a minute!" Harry said. Draco held up his hands.

"Don't get your pants in a twist, Potter. I'm just saying I won't be indebted to you for giving me a place to live when it's my house too."

"I didn't want you to feel indebted to me," Harry said. "You can even redecorate, I don't care."

"I need some air, "Draco said. He left before Harry could say anything and went for a stroll around the square while he struggled with a new type of confusion. It was really cold for June. Draco shivered. He heard the door to number twelve open and shut: Harry was following him again. Fine. Let him. Draco felt worse by the minute, it was as if he couldn't pull himself out of this…Oh no…

Something tall and black and wispy floated toward him with purpose.

He was younger, but only by a year or two. He felt the fetid breath of a werewolf on his face, sharp claws ripped at his shirt. A high, cold voice was issuing directions to the wolf- man. Draco didn't fight back, he knew he wouldn't survive if he tried. His parents couldn't help him, they'd been sent from the room before it started. The man on top of him seemed to think his tears and pleading were funny.

Draco stood paralyzed in the street as the Dementor came closer. Harry raised a trembling arm and pointed his wand at it. Draco sought his mind for a happy thought. He was- he was -

Five, and standing on a chair, with a little spoon in his hand. Severus had his arm around Draco's waist to keep him from falling as they stirred the potion together.

"Now we add the gillyweed, and you see what color it turns? It has to be sky blue, not midnight blue or royal blue. "

"Can I add the last part? Please, please?"

"Alright, but be careful. You don't want to put in too much." Draco was filled with such happiness at the memory, he focused hard on it.

"EXPECTO PATRONUM!" They both shouted. Harry's stag Patronus shot forward, with Draco's close behind.

"Draco?" Harry panted when the Dementors disappeared. "Your Patronus-"

"Hmm?" Draco said. "I use it because it was Professor Snape's."

Harry stared at him with a strange expression. He blinked his green eyes. Draco flushed and swayed slightly on his feet.

"You don't look well,"Harry said. "We had better get inside."

When they were back in the sitting room, Draco sank onto the sofa and shuddered. Harry looked worried.

"Try to eat something."

"I can't eat,"Draco said. "I'm going to throw up. I know I am."

Harry held out Draco's glass of wine and Draco took a grateful sip in spite of himself. It was actually good wine, Kreacher must have chosen it.

"Wine?" he asked. "And pasta? Harry, is this a date?"

"No!" Harry said, adorably flustered. His ears turned pink. "I mean, if you don't want it to be a date, it's not a date."

Draco shrugged.

"I don't know. I'm kind of dealing with other things right now. I have to put my life back together."

"I understand,"Harry said. "Kreacher will make up a guest room for you."

Draco finished his drink and placed it on the coffee table. Harry should have put out coasters and Draco made a face at the wet ring his glass left. Harry summoned the house elf and gave him instructions.

"When I see Dementors, I hear my mother screaming," Harry said. "Voldemort is taunting her, and she's pleading for my life. You seem to get really upset by the Dementors too."

"I have memories of things I think I'm not supposed to remember,"Draco said. "I have gaps in what I can remember normally, unless Dementors are near."

"That's what happened to me," Harry said. "I only remembered my mother screaming when I first met the Dementors.. But what do you see?"

Draco shifted uncomfortably.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Sorry."

"I'm really tired, you mind if I go to bed?" Draco stood up and headed for the stairs.

"Uh, okay, you can use the first room on the left," Harry said. "There's a bathroom across the hall from it." He looked awkwardly at his hands as Draco left. Draco found that Kreacher had created quite a comfortable guest room, he'd cleaned the place from top to bottom and put fresh sheets and pillowcases on the bed. Draco unpacked his small bag, enchanted to hold more than it seemed like it could on the outside. He hung his things up in the wardrobe.

Draco changed into his grey silk pajamas, brushed his teeth, washed his face and slipped underneath the heavy red velvet comforter. He snuffed out the candles with a wave of his wand but left the curtains open so he could see the moon. Draco drifted off to sleep soon after.

No, please! Leave him alone, do what you want with us but leave our son-

FOOL! You failed me, Lucius and this…innocent…will pay for it. How do you like that?

Master-

Leave us, Lucius, but remain outside the door. And tell Fenrir I've got a surprise for him.

Then there was nothing but pain, and blood and screaming.

"Draco!" Harry gasped. Draco's body jerked and his arm flailed out, nearly striking Harry. "Shh! You were screaming-"

"Nightmare,"Draco said. Harry sat on the edge of the bed, he'd turned the lights on again and they hurt Draco's eyes.

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay," Harry said and he got up to leave.

"Thanks,"Draco mumbled, embarrassed. He'd never had this nightmare before, he'd had plenty of nightmares since his life went to Hell but never this one before today.

"You should tell someone what Greyback did to you. It's too late to make him pay but maybe someone could help you."

"Get out of my head,"Draco whispered.

"I didn't mean to," Harry said. "I won't do it again, I promise. But I can put in a good word for your mum to get that governess job, if you want. She did save my life."

Draco covered his face with a pillow and groaned.

"You're usually better at it than I am," Harry said. "Occlumency. Except when you're scared."

"Why do you think Greyback did something to me?"Draco asked. "Just because I dreamed it?"

"Maybe someone modified your memory,"Harry said. "You said you had gaps."

"My parents wouldn't do that to me!" Draco cried. Or would they? They were hiding something from him, he knew it and it was about that bloody shirt. They would try to help him, try to make him forget it because they couldn't stand seeing him the wreck he must have been. Draco turned his face away from Harry and put up his shields.

"I didn't say they would,"Harry said. "Draco,before I go?"

"Yes, Harry?"

"You're not a werewolf, are you?"

"No, you dolt."

"Oh. Good."

Sunday morning dawned clear and warm. Harry and Draco ate cinnamon buns and pumpkin juice in their pyjamas at the kitchen table before departing to their individual rooms to get dressed. Draco chose his dress robes carefully. He wore black trousers and a black shirt underneath a black satin waistcoat. Over that he wore black silk robes and added his Slytherin tie as a final touch.

He passed Harry's open bedroom door. Harry was tying his tie and Draco stopped to watch him. Harry really was quite handsome in a messy way.

"So that's what Muggles wear to these?" He asked and grinned. Harry was in a regular black suit, like a very sad Muggle businessman.

"Yeah,"Harry said. "Are you ready to go?"

"Just let me grab my speech, "Draco said. He slipped into his room and tucked the rolled up piece of parchment into his dress robe pocket. They headed out the front door and Apparated off the top step.

Draco popped into the forest clearing a minute before Harry and just after his parents. Lucius glanced at Harry suspiciously but they were joined by Hermione and Ron before he could make a rude remark. Narcissa was in a black velvet Edwardian gown trimmed with jet beads, she also wore an emerald choker and a flowing black veil over her face. Ron wore shabby black dress robes, but Hermione wore a knee length black Muggle style dress. Lucius also wore a Slytherin tie.

Lucius gave Draco an awkward shoulder squeeze as they set off across the grass. A few small gravestones came into view when they crested the top of the hill. Flowers, lilac and forsythia burst through the stone wall that ran alongside the path. Wooden chairs were grouped together by a pond, under the shade of a large tree. There was a podium in front of a medium sized grey stone slab. Soft music played out of an enchanted gramophone.

Lucius escorted his family to seats at the front and center. Small clumps of people in dress robes incorporating green and silver began arriving and taking seats. The crowd wasn't as big as it had been for Dumbledore, but more people had come than Draco ever expected. The Hogwarts professors were there, in the front row with the Malfoys. Blaise Zabini and Gregory Goyle waved at Draco, who smiled and beckoned them over.

"My friends don't sit in the back," he said. When everyone was seated, Hagrid brought the casket forward and placed it on the stone slab. Hagrid hid his face in a giant polka dotted handkerchief and sniffled. Professor Flitwick raised his wand and the music faded away. Professor Slughorn waddled to the podium, fat fingers hooked into his lapels.

"We are gathered here today to remember Professor Severus Snape. It was my job to succeed Professor Snape as head of Slytherin House. Those were some big shoes to fill. Severus ran his house well, his students were smart, certainly inventive! (the crowd laughed softly) and if not always the best behaved house they were loyal. They ARE loyal," he amended, to more soft laughter. "In their own way. We don't charge into battle, we attack from behind. We recognize grey areas of morality and we save our own skins when we can.

That doesn't mean we're cowards or that we don't care. Perhaps it took even more courage for a Slytherin to stay and fight You Know Who when their friends were running away or joining the other side. There were some Slytherins who provided the means for the destruction of the Dark Lord, even if it wasn't on the field of battle. One of those Slytherins was Severus Snape. "

Slughorn gave them a brief and humorous overview of Snape's life, that desperately tried to make light of the darkness and took his seat, wiping at his eyes.

A couple of other teachers went up and spoke about Snape. Finally, Professor McGonagall nodded to Draco, who rose and took his place at the podium, speech in hand. He unrolled it, it rolled itself back up again and Draco had to flatten it with his palm.

"It's customary at a funeral to play a piece of music the deceased liked,"Draco began. "But I couldn't pick one out. I just kept thinking "He won't like that one" or "He hates that singer" or "He'll call those lyrics trite." He might even rise from the grave to demand, " and here Draco did his Snape imitation again, "MR. MALFOY turn that godawful racket down!"

The crowd laughed.

"I wasn't sure about the flowers either, but you can't really have a funeral without flowers, so I settled on these," he gestured at the black lilies arranged around the slab and attached to a few of the chairs, "I don't think he'd be bothered by lilies.

"What can I tell you about what Severus Snape meant to my life? I'd known him since I was a baby. I used to spit up on him, and he would patch me up when I fell off my toy broom. I would watch him make potions and sometimes he'd let me help. At school, he always took time out to encourage me, I saw a different side of him than the other students. Severus talked to me about things, things other people didn't think I deserved to know.

I spent more time with him than I did my own father once I came to school. He was there for all the big events-most of my teenage firsts. And I learned about other things from him, like right and wrong and how to be stronger. Severus taught me how to be a man.

There's a lot people didn't know about Severus.

He did something that is one of the hardest things a human being can do. He changed. He went against what his friends and family believed, because what they believed was wrong. Change is hard. Redemption is hard. But nobody has to do it alone. As Headmaster Dumbledore said, "Help is always available at Hogwarts for those who ask."

He did it for love. He lived his whole life motivated by love of one person, he didn't think he mattered compared to what he could do to help stop He Who Must Not Be Named. He put himself on the line to protect us the best way he could. Because he loved.

But people might ask who could possibly love Severus Snape in return? Well, isn't it obvious? We did. I-I did."

Draco blinked back his tears and finished with the quote that Hermione had helped him find.

"Second Timothy chapter four, verses six through eight comes from a letter that Saint Paul wrote to his student just before he died. It says, "For I am already being poured out as a libation, and the time of my departure has come. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith."

There was a moment of silence in which everyone was left alone with their thoughts and prayers and tears. When Draco judged the time was right, he turned to the casket and touched his wand to the tip. Green flames spread across the bottom of the wood. In minutes, the casket was engulfed. When the flames had devoured the wood, the fire changed shape and turned to a simple black square of marble with Severus' name and dates on it. Draco raised his wand again and inscribed on the stone the words _He Loved_.

Draco slipped away alone when the funeral was over. He walked past the Memorial to the Fallen, to a dark little corner of the grounds where a few cheap gravestones stood surrounded by a wrought iron fence with spikes on the top. These were the graves of Death Eaters who were not Hogwarts students and had no families. There were anti Dark Magic wards around the place. Draco stopped just outside the gate and stared down at the stone that read "Fenrir Greyback."

"I won,"Draco said. "I won and you lost."

Quiet footsteps indicated the approach of someone else. Draco turned to find Harry watching him. Harry had the same question in his eyes that he'd had before, but now Draco knew how to answer.

"I'm ready to go home now,"Draco said. He smiled and took Harry's hand, and they went home together, two men with something to live for.


End file.
